Deciding not to have children is one of the most personal — and powerful — life choices a person or couple can make. It’s not always easy, especially in a culture that assumes parenthood is the default. But for many couples, choosing a kid-free lifestyle is a conscious, values-based decision rooted in clarity, freedom, and love.
If this is the life you want, you need to talk about it before you get married.
Why It Matters
Marriage isn’t just about who you love — it’s about the life you want to build together. And few choices shape that life more than the decision to become parents… or not.
This is not a “maybe we’ll figure it out later” kind of topic. It’s a foundational conversation that deserves honesty, respect, and intentionality.
How to Talk About Being Kid-Free Before Marriage
1. Be Honest With Yourself First
Before you can have the conversation, you need clarity on your own beliefs. Is this a firm decision or still evolving? Why does this path feel right to you? The more self-aware you are, the more grounded and confident you’ll be in the discussion.
2. Have the Conversation Early — Not After the Wedding!
Bringing this up before engagement (ideally!) ensures you and your partner are aligned on a non-negotiable life value. Waiting too long can lead to heartbreak or resentment if you discover deep differences too late.
You might say:
“I’ve been thinking a lot about my future, and I want to share something important. I don’t see children as part of the life I want to build. I’d love to hear your thoughts too.”
Keep it open, non-defensive, and framed around your values — not just your preferences.
3. Listen With Openness, Even If You Disagree
Give your partner space to process and respond. They might agree, they might feel unsure, or they might want kids. Be prepared for a real conversation — not just a confirmation. And be honest: if this is a deal-breaker, it’s better to face it together now than carry unspoken tension into marriage.
4. Talk About What a Fulfilling, Child-Free Life Looks Like
This isn’t just about what you don’t want — it’s about what you do. Share your dreams: travel, careers, passion projects, giving back, deep relationships, freedom and flexibility. Paint a picture of a life filled with intention and meaning.
5. Make Sure You’re Truly Aligned
A successful marriage is built on shared values, not silent hopes that the other person will change. If you’re not aligned on something as major as children, love alone may not be enough. Respect each other’s vision — even if it means choosing different paths.
Final Thought
Living a kid-free life is not a rejection of family or love — it’s a bold, intentional choice to live in alignment with who you are. And in marriage, the most loving thing you can do is be honest about the life you want to build… and find someone who wants to build it with you.
Conclusion
Kara Francis offers pre-marriage coaching, which can help you create a strong foundation for this next chapter in your life. It’s well worth the investment if you want to increase your odds of a happy, loving and mutually supportive union.
~~~
Kara Francis is a relationship, marriage and divorce coach in NYC serving clients in New York City and wherever they are located. Kara Francis Coaching is a divorce lawyer turned Pre-marriage, Marriage & Divorce Coach, as well as a divorce survivor. She helps you feel clarity, confidence, and resilience in your relationship journey, no matter what it looks like. Want to discuss your unique situation and needs with Kara? Feel free to leave a comment and book a Discovery Call today!
